Continuing on from my last post and my comment about being triggered at some point. It didn’t take long before it happened. After talking to work colleagues it seems it’s still happening. I felt myself starting to become angry. Me standing up did nothing to help anyone. I had to stop myself getting upset. I took a deep breath in and released all that emotion out. Am I little annoyed nothing is going to change? Absolutely. If I could go back, would I choose not to say anything, knowing that it wouldn’t help? Absolutely not. I may have altered how I said enough, but I would still say it.

It’s not always rainbows and butterflies when healing, we have set backs, often. The only way to move forward is to acknowledge the trigger, figure out why it was so strong and then learn from it. I’ve decided I need to try and remove myself from the situation for a while. So enough writing about toxic work places, at least until I can keep the emotion out of it.

I was talking to one of my favourite people this week. Her thoughts – everyone is having a rubbish year. Everyone she knows seems to be struggling one way or another. Whether that’s in their relationship, financially, at work, emotionally, physically and every other aspect life has. I certainly agree, the signs of this year have been weird from and for all. People seem hesitant to start anything, reluctant to move forward in their life. I think we all need to be kinder to ourselves and loved ones, this year in particular as all this uncertainty is causing all of us so much worry or anxiety.

This is not to say people aren’t still kicking goals. Many friends and family members are kicking huge goals in their career or personal lives, but they seem to be doing this in spite of many more obstacles which seem to be in their way. These people are an inspiration to me, although I’m in a resting phase of my life, they show me that we as humans can be pretty impressive. Do things that are extraordinary, even while things seem against you. I know when I’m ready, I will be able to do the same. It’s in us all, we just need to know, believe or have faith in our abilities.

While I’m in my resting phase, I’m enjoying my maternity leave. For those of you that have been reading and watching, you would have seen me create a few bits and bobs and potter around in the garden. I’m trying very hard to unwind from a fast pace work environment. My mind wants to do a lot more than my body is able to at the moment. Slowly I think I’m getting there. I have an enormous To Do list, with a couple of little projects that may be coming to fruition soon so that will be a little bit exciting. I can’t help myself, I like being on the go. I like creating and dreaming up new ideas.

While pottering in the garden, I’ve been able allow my mind to be quiet. The downside is, a lot of the work I’ve got still to do in our garden is pretty labour intensive. I’ve worn myself out on a number of occasions. Feeling good while I’m working but hitting the wall once I come inside and sit down. I literally have to time myself so I don’t over do it. I wore myself out so much Monday, I was up at the hospital on Tuesday making sure Bub was ok. All is well in case you are wondering. Even trying to relax is difficult for me.

This week I’ve managed to do a mountain of washing, put a raspberry trellis up, plant some ground cover, weed some more of my little garden, been on 2 day trips to various garden centres and had coffee with a very special lady and bubba. I’ve also been reading, drawing and cleaning. I still find that I’m chastising myself because I haven’t done enough this week. Sometimes personal growth is one step forward and two steps back. I’ll get there in the end, I guess that’s all that matters.